Is it worth having an extra-marital affair?

Extra-marital affairs are oh so common (Corbis Images)

Extra-marital affairs work for those who want that extra spice, says Rupali Dean.

Infidelity is perhaps as old as marriage. And, along with the growing tribe of cheating spouses, there are some partners who remain blissfully unaware of any damage to their marriage.

Interestingly, the Infidelity Facts website states that up to 41 per cent of spouses who cheat actually admit to their affair. "It's nothing new, but more in the open now," says Sarika Pilot Chaudhry.

Many, who are prone to experimenting, do it guilt-free as long as they're meeting "responsibilities" in the domestic space. Mrs and Mr Shah were the most perfect couple; they made the most brilliant hosts at parties and seemed inseparable. Later, the husband was seen romancing Nirali in another city. He reasoned, "I love my wife, but since we have been married for so long, I am a bit bored and need that excitement. Nirali is also married, so it's 'safe'! I love it when she accompanies me on an official trip as we can spend time exclusively. I am enjoying it while it lasts."

Expert speak
Psychiatrist Dr Himanshu Saxena believes males by nature are polygamous. He agrees that Indians are more open about expressing their sexuality now. "Often, it's marital disharmony that leads to extra-marital affairs. In arranged marriages, the spouses may not click, and look for options elsewhere. A liberal media and generally more openness with the opposite sex, such as colleagues, bring people closer emotionally and sexually." He adds, "The seven-year itch persists and if marital relations stale, a fresh person appears more interesting."

No guilt!
For some, an affair provides something lacking in their own marriage, which could be sex or mental stimulation. Rajesh Goyal, married for 12 years and recently blessed with a son says, "I don't feel guilty. My wife has no reason to complain; I give her all that a loving husband would, but my girlfriend is my ideal companion and lover. And, one can't marry everyone they love, right?"

For Maya, it's just about sex, "I love my husband deeply and can't dream of any other man in my life. Unfortunately, he has a low libido and I don't want to lead the life of a nun; I am young and have my desires, so if it's a man that excites me, I simply have to go ahead."

Then there are the serial cheaters or the sex addicts! 'Sex is wilder and more exciting with a stranger," shares Krishna.

Is it worth it?
Says socialite Sonu Wassan, "To bring back the spark in the marriage, an affair can act as a catalyst." Adds Arjun Sawhney, who runs a PR firm, "Humans are not monogamous, so if you feel it's fine and your partner is okay with it, go for it. Variety is the spice of life."

Comedian Gurpreet Ghuggi warns, "I think one gets into this purely for sex and it's not worth risking your marriage."

In 'open marriages', individuals have to learn the art of backing off before things become too hot to handle. Ultimately, whether it's an affair of the mind or for sexual pleasure, it's the families they want to go home to!

(Some names have been changed to protect identity)

timeslife@timesgroup.com

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What couples really want in bed

What couples really want in bed (Thinkstock photos/Getty Images)

Couples want emotional intimacy in their sex lives, new research has suggested.

In a poll conducted by YourTango and Durex of more than 1,000 people, 96 percent surveyed said that the best sex they had is with someone with whom they were able to get emotionally connected, the Huffington Post reported.

In addition, 92 percent said that when theirpartner displayed vulnerability it was a turn-on for them.

The respondents confessed that the topconfidence boosters were being with someone that they love, which was followed by their feeling good about their sexual abilities and when their partner complimented them.

90 percent of those surveyed said that they believe sex can get better over time.

People also said that the top 3 requirements for having great sex is physical attraction, emotional intimacy, feeling secure and loved.

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He doesn't find me attractive anymore..

He doesn't find me attractive anymore... (Thinkstock photos/Getty Images)

So is it really true that a husband loses interest in his wife after pregnancy? Reports claim that every one in three women feel that their husbands do not find them attractive anymore after child birth.

Almost half of women surveyed accused their husbands of 'forgetting' who they were since they became a mother. A mere 12 per cent said their husband termed them as 'feminine' while 69 per cent said they were termed as 'tired'.

Pyschologist Seema Hingoranny cites an example about a man who came for counselling saying that it was as it becoming difficult handling a crying baby and now he has a crying wife too. "Men feel their wives become unapproachable and too senstive to things. They prefer to maintain a little distance and women usually misintepret this action of theirs", she says.

Stress counsellar, Yatri Thakkar refutes this myth saying it is just a matter of time, "Women undergo a lot of hormonal changes and become moody. They usually end up having a low self-esteem postpregnancy. As time passes everything becomes normal."

A phenomenon called as mumnesia by researchers, women say they forget what they were as a person before birth and change completely. But Hingoranny feels that couples should not throw intimacy out of the window. "Take that extra step to dress well, spend some quality time with him and initiate things. He will feel the effort and definitely reciprocate," she says.

Fun things for a husband to do after childbirth

1. You can make early morning bed tea for her. It'll bring a smile on her face the first thing in the morning.

2. Share her work after you come back from office. You can help by bringing the vegetables or dusting the house.

3. Take her for outings and spend time with her.

4. Take snaps of both of them and make a collage. Looking back at old snaps is a great bonding exercise.

5. Give her an ocassional massage. Make her relax and play music for her. It'll lighten her mood.

6. You can bring books regarding baby care. It will make both of you more aware about your new born.

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How to become friends with your ex

How to become friends with your ex (Thinkstock photos/Getty Images)

Not keeping in touch with your ex is passe. We tell you why you should keep in touch with your ex and how the two of you can stay in touch.

Once the worst time is over for you and your partner, you can always try becoming friends again. After all why should you miss out on good people from your life?

The fact is that your ex knows you a lot better than anyone else. Thus it is much easier to communicate your problems with them.

Do not let past feelings come in: When the two of you bridge differences and plan to become friends again, do not let feelings from the past seep in. When you involve feelings which should not be a part of your friendship, it tends to break away eventually.

Don't expect too much from the friendship: Even though the two of you might have been able to strike a chord, refrain from expecting too much from your friendship with your ex. This is because the two of you have moved on in life and when you begin to expect more than what you should, it hampers your friendship.

Don't be a nag: You should not be nagging your ex or interfering too much into their lives. You must realise that you are just friends now and nothing more than that and if you try to push yourself further, it might make situations bad for you as well as your ex.

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Why young people give up on life

Why young people give up on life

The shocking suicide of 25-year-old Bollywood actress Jiah Khan has brought forth many sensitive issues in the entertainment industry. We ask two people, one from the fraternity and an outsider, their view on the rising number of suicides... 

Dipannita Sharma, model 

"It's very difficult to figure out the psyche of a person, who has just faced failure. Personally, I don't understand how today's young minds can pursue suicidal thoughts. During such times, you have to count your blessings and look at life with a very positive outlook. Always see the glass half full because if you look at the empty half, you're only going to feel less adequate. To overcome that negative state of mind, keep your support system, like your parents, close by. Life is such, — someone or the other is always going to be more successful or happier than you — so don't keep waiting and wasting your time for living in a 'perfect' world. 

Whether it's a personal relationship or a career that didn't succeed, there's always something better in store in your future. Also, professionally, keep a backup plan ready, in case things don't go your way. There is so much to do in this world, that you will find what you're good at eventually. But most importantly, no matter how hard you fall down, learn to move on from failure, because moving on is the only constant. It is in your hand to decide whether you're a winner or a loser, don't let the world judge that." 

Santosh Desai, social commentator 

"Even if you go back in time, you will come across people who will take drastic steps, if they don't get what they want — whether it's failing an exam, falling short of meeting parental expectations or not being able to marry the love of their life. People get affected and frustrated the most when they are unable to meet their own expectations. A person experiences total lack of faith and hope because we have these unrealistic expectations and fantasies from our lives, which most of the time, don't get fulfilled. So in a way, we ourselves are responsible as we set ourselves for easy disappointment. 

Never define success on the basis of whether you've achieved what you want in life; if you use those parameters, you're never going to be happy. Instead, be realistic."

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Debunking relationship myths

Debunking relationship myths

Here's to take a few moments at how hard relationships are:

When it comes to your love life, it maybe doing more harm than good to you. It is always nice to have an open mind to love, but considering the grass to be always greener may make you fall for something superficial.

We are deeply in love...
Though it is great to have somebody who loves you as much as you love yourself, chances are that you might find yourself feeling irritated with the constant shower of love and affection from your beloved. Let's get real... you might love your partner and he may love you as much, but there's nothing like being in love always. You will have your share of arguments and fights — and love will definitely go out of the window then.

We never go to bed angry...
It's great to have your problems resolved before you go off to sleep. But we all know that not all our problems and fights are resolved the same day. Most of the times we prefer going to bed without having a discussion or trying to resolve issues because it's better off that way.

We have nothing in common, so our relationship won't last...
Well it's easy to come to a conclusion about whether you gel with each other or not, but its better not to have any preconceived notions as far as your relationship is concerned. If you and your partner prefer watching different TV shows, or have different tastes in music that does not mean that the two of you are not compatible. Sometimes it's better to have someone who doesn't think like you or have the same interests as you.

This helps create a balance in your relationship.

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Habits every woman must ditch

Habits every woman must ditch (Thinkstock photos/Getty Images)

While most of us make it a point to eat healthy and exercise as often as possible, we tend to ignore other simple things that actually take a toll on our well-being.

Find out if you are compromising on your health everyday by indulging in these habits that you must say goodbye to pronto...

Wearing heels often
Do your back and feet a favour and keep the high heels only for special occasions. Victoria Beckham and Kim Kardashian may swear by their towering stilettos but they also have a battery of help to cater to their every need. An alarming number ofwomen have started wearing heels on a daily basis, or every other day. And experts say that wearing high heels affects posture, puts a lot of pressure on joints, and at times even lead to conditions like painful bunions, hammer toes, back pain and arthritis. Not to mention the risk of twisting your leg and falling down.
Damage control: Ensure that if you have to wear heels often, they aren't more than 1.5 inches. Alternatively, carry a pair of flats while you travel and wear heels only for some time. Rest your feet after wearing heels by soaking feet in warm water.

Lugging around a heavy handbag
Most womens hangbags weigh an average two to five kilos. Shocked? You should be. The sheer number of things women keep and carry in their handbags can scare most men off.
But carrying around such heavy bags put your health at risk — you're inviting a health problems like back, neck and shoulder pain. Your posture also goes for a toss — lugging around a heavy bag will make you slouch sooner or later.
Damage control: Make it a habit to empty your bag every week or two and carry only absolutely necessary items. Or even better — switch to a smaller bag to avoid the temptation of putting more things in your handbag.

Not removing your makeup at night
Sometimes even the most meticulous women give in and don't remove their makeup before turning in at night. While this cardinal sin is a strict no-no, what you should know is that leaving makeup on all night is inviting skin problems. Your face needs to be cleaned of the makeup, dirt and oil at the end of the day or you will face problems like clogged pores, tired looking skin and pimples. Wearing eye makeup overnight can cause eye irritation or even infection.
Damage control: Keep a bottle makeup remover and cotton swabs right next to your bed so that no matter how tired you are, you can just reach out and remove the makeup.

Trying to outdo men at drinking
Among those women who feel they can drink as much as men if not more? Do yourself a favour and stay away from such drinking competitions. On an average, women not only weigh lesser than men, they also have lesser body water to dilute the alcohol, meaning they get drunk faster. Not to mention the damage you do to your liver by these binge drinking sessions.
Damage control: Let the men drink themselves silly. Recognise your limits and stick to them.

Wearing ill-fitting bras
Over a whopping 65% of women are thought to wear the wrong sized bra. And wearing an ill-fitting bra can have repurcussions like neck, back and breast pain, bad posture, skin irritation and even breathing problems. Not only will your clothes sit badly on you but you will also slouch a bit.
Damage control: Go to a lingerie store and get yourself measured by an expert so that you know your exact size. And since womens bodies tend to change, get yourself measured once a year.

Dwelling over the past
When you refuse to let go or stop thinking of your past or worrying incessantly about the future, you are damaging your present as well your future. Mental stress can drain you of energy and affect you in more ways than you realise. And according to studies, women have a higher chance of suffering from stress-related disorders than men.
Damage control: If you find yourself depressed or anxious, ask yourself what is causing it. Is it a broken relationship or health woes? Address the problem at the root and don't be afraid of asking for help.

Worrying about looks
Vanity affects both the sexes but it affects a far larger number of women than men. And women have a range of body issues, which can take a toll on them mentally. Going on numerous diets, having eating disorders and undergoing excessive cosmetic surgery can cause you physical harm.
Damage control: Toss those beauty magazines in the trash and improve your body image by making a conscious effort. Be happy with what you've been given.

Emotional eating
When was the last time you reached out for that comfort food and guiltily ate it? Women are genetically more emotional than men while comfort eating affects both sexes, it is said that men tend to eat emotionally when they're happy and women when they are upset. And women tend to satiate their cravings with sweet, high calorie foods instead of healthier options.
Damage control: Next time instead of allowing the carvings to get the better of you (and your waistline), distract yourself with something other than food.

Not sleeping enough
Do you get your eight hours of sleep every night? Or do you scrimp and then sleep all weekend? Don't blame a hectic lifestyle or stress on not getting enough sleep. Not only can inadequate sleep make you feel lethargic, it can also make you look like hell, apart from causing accidents, overeating and an increased heart disease risk. Sleep affects your blood pressure and mood more than it affects men.
Damage control: Go to sleep early as often as you can and wake up at the same time everyday.

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Pros and cons of venting steam at your ex

Pros and cons of venting steam at your ex (Thinkstock photos/Getty Images)

In every divorce, there remains bitterness, anger and sadness between both parties. 

Divorce coach Cindy Holbrook has given 4 ways to benefit by remaining angry at your former spouse. 

She said that firstly, if a person tells their story to everyone who will listen, they will receive attention and will make them feel like a good person - or at least a better person than their former spouse, the Huffington Post reported. 

Secondly, she said that anger punishes their ex. The third positive effect that happens by remaining angry at former spouse is it motivates them and will give them the fuel they need to fight back. 

The last positive effect is that the anger avoids people to avoid pain, as by staying angry they become numb to pain, hurt or the rejection the death of their marriage has brought up. 

Holbrook also gave four detriments of remaining angry at your former spouse. 

Firstly, she said that though occasional anger causes little or no harm frequent, uncontrollable anger or suppressed rage, hurting people both physically and mentally. 

Secondly, remaining angry can make them a negative and irritable person that could interfere with their current relationships with kids, parents and siblings. 

Thirdly, anger and hostility cause stress in their mind and body and throws their body off balance and begins to constrict parts of their body which, in turn, creates disease. 

Lastly, a lot of physical conditions like coronary heart disease, heart attacks, high blood pressure, depression, headaches, eating disorders, digestion problems, diabetes, insomnia, skin problems anddepression arise out of prolonged anger. Empower yourself by letting go.

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7 never-to-do things when you're drunk

7 never-to-do things when you're drunk

Drinking may be fun, but ensure that you don't have to bear the consequences

Drunk driving
This one is extremely serious. Not only are you risking your own life, but also that of the others in the car and those who are out on the road or in other vehicles. Make sure that you either take a cab back home or have a sober friend who can take over the task. It's not macho to drive when you are drunk.

Click pictures and upload them online
You do lose inhibitions when you are drunk, but if your drunken revelry finds its way online, it may cause a lot of trouble. Pictures that are loaded online can never be completely wiped off. You wouldn't want your boss to see your party pictures, right?

Drunk texting
Whether it's your friend or someone you are interested in, don't start a conversation with someone when you are drunk. You never know when your rather 'high' spirits may get you into some big trouble.

Get flirtatious with a stranger
Beauty does lie in the eye of the beerholder, but the illusion is bound to wear off once the beer haze passes away. You may end up regretting your actions the morning after your drunken revelry and do what is known as the 'walk of shame'.

Talk to your ex 
Most people get highly emotional after a few drinks and dialling your ex will seem to be the perfect solution. Resist that temptation. It never helps to keep blabbering when you are high. In fact, you may end up quashing all chances of resurrecting your relationship with your drunken talk.

Respond to anything that's work-related 
Well, you really don't want to mix business with pleasure. Sometimes, it is necessary to use a certain language while writing an official mail and you may just type things that you don't mean to. Ensure that your drunken state doesn't affect your career.

Get into a fight 
When drunk, you may think that anyone who disagrees with you is committing a crime. But that is not the time to go about serving justice. Make sure that spats stay verbal and don't reach the physical level. You may not just end up with a black eye, but also a broken bone or two.

(Compiled by Harshada Rege)

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10 Things women hate about men

Ten things women hate about men (Thinkstock photos/Getty Images)

Be it a wet towel on the bed or making disparaging comments about your TV habits, your man knows very well how to get on your nerves, isn't it? 

But you are not the only one, as there are some standard habits men have that annoy women to the core. Christina Hopkinson, author of the book 'The Pile Of Stuff At The Bottom Of The Stairs', tells you the top ten things that womenhate about men, reports the Daily Mail. 

Disparaging comments about our TV habits 
OK, so nobody ever claimed that the Sky Living channel was great art, but is a televisual diet of America's Next Top Model and repeats of Grey's Anatomy really so much worse than watching endless sports programmes? 

Yes, it's true that all reality talent shows are almost identical but it could also be argued that a nil-all result in the Premiership doesn't exactly rival Shakespeare for drama. 

Women believe that the size of your TV is in inverse proportion to the size of your brain, while their men seem to think that some other screen-size/body part correlation is going on and so opt for the full-on Odeon surround-sound experience. 

The surprisingly wiry 'wireless' home 
One mobile phone, one charger—it's all you need. But no, he has wires crawling round the house like vines. Then are the drawers full of old cables that look like nests of vipers. Some of them are for his first Nokia, bought circa 1995. 

These phone, camera and computer chargers have joined old keys as things we can no longer throw away for fear that the moment we do so, we'll discover a need to use them. 

Selective greenness 
We all try to do our bit for the environment, but there seems to be some disagreement about what 'bits' to do. Yes, he's right that cut flowers flown from Kenya are an eco-disgrace—but they are rather lovely. 

And yes, clothes can be air-dried, but it's just so much more convenient — and they feel nicer — if you use the tumble dryer. 

Leaving pans 'to soak' 
Washing up means doing everything—including saucepans. But he always leaves them on the side, or marginally better, he puts some tepid water in them 'to soak', thus divesting him of all responsibility of actually dealing with the burnt-on food that's clinging to them like Araldite. 

Culinary grandstanding 
Guests coo over his fancy ways with a flavored oil, but the boring rehashing, reheating and pureeing always gets left to me. 

Stacks of coins everywhere 
There's a stack of money on the chest of drawers and a hillock of tuppenny bits next to the unpaid bills on the sideboard. We know it's because you need to empty your pockets of it since you don't carry a purse, but perhaps it's time to tidy up and get a man-bag. 

Saying we've run out of something after it's actually run out 
"We're out of cornflakes/sugar/bread" said in an offensively accusatory way, as he empties the last of it onto his plate. Always with the subtitle running below it of: 'Can you go out and buy it, I'm far too busy.' This is closely allied to the habit of putting empty food receptacles back into the cupboard or fridge, especially milk bottles. 

Childcare cherry-picking 
Doesn't he ever realise that if he stood on the mat after a shower then the bathroom floor wouldn't be permanently pockmarked with puddles? 

One of the undoubted advances of the modern world is that fathers are much more hands-on with their children. Sadly, he hasn't realised that looking after children is not just parks, pools and zoos — it's also wiping, washing and cleaning. You can't just pick off the best stuff, leaving us to do the grunge. 

Wet towels 
Doesn't he ever realise that if he stood on the mat after a shower then the bathroom floor wouldn't be permanently pockmarked with puddles? But then these provide useful watering holes for the towels to marinate in when he doesn't hang them back on the rail. Actually that's not fair, he doesn't always leave the towels on the floor, sometimes he leaves them on the bed. Or, after swimming, to mould and fester in the plastic bag that he's used to carry his kit in. 

The pile of stuff at the bottom of the stairs 
Even those who live in flats without stairs seem to have a problem with these piles. Those shoes, books and clothes, those empty wine glasses and old magazines, those toys and towels — they're not there for decorative reasons. It's like a conveyor belt for possessions, you see, except that like with all his irritating habits, there's always someone else to sort out the pile for him. 

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Low self-control makes you selfless

Low self-control makes you selfless (Thinkstock photos/Getty Images)

When people face the choice of sacrificing time and energy for a person that they love or taking a self-centered route, their first impulse is to think of others, a new research has suggested.

Lead researcher Francesca Righetti of VU University Amsterdam in the Netherlands, said that for decades psychologists have assumed that the first impulse is selfish and that it takes self-control to behave in a pro-social manner, which she said they did not believe that this was true in every context, and especially not in closerelationships.

Righetti and colleagues found that participants whose self-control was taxed were more willing to sacrifice time and energy for their romanticpartner or best friend than participants whose self-control wasn't taxed.

In one study, to find out whether they would sacrifice in actual practice, researchers told couples that they would have to talk to 12 strangers and ask them embarrassing questions. The participants didn't know that they wouldn't actually have to follow through with the task.

Participants with high self-control opted to split the burden right downthe middle — assigning six strangers to themselves and six strangers to their partner.

However, participants with low self-control opted to take on more of the burden, sacrificing their own comfort to spare their partners.

A final experiment revealed that married individuals low in trait self-control sacrificed more for their partners, yet were also less forgiving of their transgressions - presumably because self-control is required to override the focus on the wrongdoing and think instead about the relationship as a whole.

While sacrificing for a partner may help to build the relationship on a day-to-day basis, Righetti and colleagues note that it could backfire over the long-term, compromising individuals' ability to maintain a balance between personal and relationship-related concerns.

The new research has been published in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science.

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People prefer holidays without partners

People prefer holidays without partners (Thinkstock photos/Getty Images)

It is often assumed that holidays are best spent with your life partner. But a new study proves the thought wrong.

The research, commissioned by Hilton HHonors (a hotel rewards programme), reveals that 60 per cent of women have jetted off with theirfriends and left their loved one at home, reportsfemalefirst.co.uk.

It's not just women, but also men who like to leave behind their partner at home while they are enjoying with their friends elsewhere.

Two-thirds of men surveyed admitted to leaving their partner at home whilst they jetted off onholiday with their male friends.

"Variety is the spice of life and trying new experiences, exploring cultures or indulging a hobby are all ways to unwind on holiday," said Carmelina Tangi, spokesman for Hilton HHonors.

"Different trips suit different purposes, so whether you're looking for the luxury escape of a lifetime, family fun on a beach break, fine dining, culture, spas or shopping, it makes sense to share these experiences with different people in our lives," added Tangi.

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6 ways to recover from partner's infidelity

6 ways to recover after partner's infidelity (Thinkstock photos/Getty Images)

Affairs can be painful and shocking, and can often cause untold damage.

However, for some couples, an affair may also be a path to strength and to a renewed and even stronger relationship.

There are six steps, according to the Huffington Post, that will help you move through the aftershocks of an affair so that you can recover your equilibrium as a couple.

Firstly, take care of yourself. If you are in the crisis phase, if you just found out about your partner's affair, it's normal to feel distraught.

You may be overwhelmed and in shock. It's important to take care of yourself at this time.

Even if you have a family to care for, your needs must come first now.

Take care of yourself during this phase by letting yourself feel your feelings, getting sufficient rest and nutrition, and finding a supportsystem.

You may want to do additional self-care, like massage, acupuncture, oryoga.

Think of friends you can call whenever you need to talk. Being alone in your pain can make it harder.

Secondly, communicate. Learning to communicate can be difficult, and if your style or skills at dealing with conflict before the affair weren't great, they are probably not helping you now.

You will need to carve out some time to practice your new communication skills, and you may need a therapist to help you do that.

Thirdly, have a date night. If you choose to stay together, set aside one night a week just for you and your partner.

This is time that is separate from therapy and the children.

You may feel awkward at first, as if you were dating, just as you did in the beginning of your relationship.

But you need this time to explore your new relationship together.

Give each other a break on date night by keeping things light and polite.

Even if you are feeling intense emotions, you may need a break from the constant worry and frustration.

Step 4 is address the reality. Why did the affair happen? Through insight and discussion, you will explore together how you got to this place.

Now that you are taking care of yourself, practicing your communication skills, and setting aside time to be together, you can begin the real work of figuring out how you both created the path you are now on.

Only one of you may have cheated, but both of you need to change now if you are to stay together.

Step 5 - create a new monogamy agreement. Your new monogamy agreement will clear away all the unspoken expectations that led to the betrayal and hurt that you feel now.

You can rewrite your agreement to include anything that the two of you may find valuable for your future.

This new vision of your relationship going forward is a new beginning.

It's not a way to go back to your old relationship, but rather a way to create a new partnership based on a mutual understanding of what will work for both of you.

And lastly, initiate erotic recovery. Spending a lifetime together and staying monogamous won't be easy.

Let's face it - desiring one person for a lifetime doesn't happen effortlessly. It happens because you apply the energy and practice it.

Monogamy isn't something that happens automatically because you made a vow when you first committed to each other.

Monogamy is a practice. You must focus on it, honor it, and choose it every day.

Working every day on your erotic life means that you are both committing to that practice.

And as with anything that you need to practice, some days will go better than others.

Eventually you will get better at it, until one day you may even find that you are monogamy experts.

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Top 7 relationship rules you should follow

Love laws (Thinkstock photos/Getty Images)

Here are the seven regulations we've chalked out for you which one ought to abide by when in a relationship

While there is no rule book that Cupid donates to you after he has struck the arrow, there still are some (read: silent) hard and fasts that you should keep in mind lest you travel through choppy waters in your relationship. Be aware you don't lose balance when sitting on one plank of the love seesaw. Here's making things wee-simpler, we give you a rundown on majorrelationship rules you just shouldn't mess with.

Avoid anything you'd not want him to do:

You've made things clear to him; he shouldn't talk with his ex, shouldn't go for those friday night basketball games with the boys, no late night talks for him with his girl friends... with all this and more, just remember one thing. Rules are meant to be the same for both of you. Don't think you'll set all the rules out for him and, side-by-side, happily keep in touch with that ex of yours or chat with your guy pals without letting him know.

Forget them not

Friends are the most crucial part of anyone's life. But the moment people enter into a relationship, they tend to forget their friends, ignoring them to the fullest. That is a complete no-no! Don't loosen ties with your pals just because you're hooked.

Say it when you mean it

We say communicate your heart out, but only when the time is right. Don't use that 'L' word for the sake of it, just because you have mistaken like for love. Contemplate on it clearly before expressing it to the other person.

Tattle to each other

Remember, it's just you and your partner who're in this relationship, so better keep any third person aside. If there's a problem that's irking you or your partner, try and sort it out among yourself rather than involve more people. Most problems don't need a third party involvement. So, keep the others out of this one.

Don't ever cheat

Bored? Well, try to spunk up that relationship, or else walk out of it. But don't you cheat! Cheating is no answer to boredom, and it is totally unacceptable. Make sure you tell your partner clearly that you're not happy with the way things are shaping up between the two of you, and sort it out, or else, walk out of it.

Compare not

Yes your ex must have been a darling! A gem-of-a-person none can match up to. But get the point, you ain't with that ex of yours. So, don't compare your current with your past. Instead, just be happy with what you've got at hand.

Take care if you don't want someone else to

He cares for you, but you can't invest time for them? Or you're unable to tell the person how much you love them? If you're not there for someone, chances are, someone else will be there for them. So, either care for your partner, or don't crib later if someone replaces you in their life.

simi.kuriakose@timesgroup.com

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Hairy stockings to fend off perverts?

Hairy stockings to fend off perverts?

We debate the pros and cons of these garments...

The creepy, crawly perverts have sure created a furore across the world, with their molestation and rape attempts, which cost many girls their lives. And this fear factor has spurned many to seek resort in defensive equipment like pepper spray. Now the latest in this league is the advent of 'hairy stockings', which have been launched in China recently. Interestingly, this bizarre invention is supposed to keep the wannabe perverts at bay. After the recent Nirbhaya tragedy, some youngsters in India had invented wired, anti-rape lingerie, which give electric shocks to the attacker. TOI asks some of the city youngsters, if these steps will really help in curbing the menace called rape!

Hairy socks are unfeminine...
Deepali Thakur, an engineering student of Ramdeobaba College of Engineering and Management, says: "I feel wearing hairy socks is extremely unfeminine. It will make you a different person, if you suddenly change your style and wear such a thing one fine day," says she, and adds, "but I feel shocker lingerie can be of use in case of an attack by a molester. But, before its use, girls would certainly like to know if this kind of lingerie has any side effects."

It will work
It may not exactly establish you as a femme fatale, when you step out donning those hairy leggings, but they will surely turn off a pervert, says Ivnish Gujral, a physiotherapy student of Lata Mangeshkar College. "That sight I guess will put off a pervert and work as a safety precaution for a lonely girl. And add to it, those shockers of undergarments, I think the molesters will actually run for cover. Those electric shocks emanating from the inner wear will send them reeling," she adds.

Extremely stupid!
The makers of these garments may dole out the promise of keeping the wrongdoers at bay, but city model Siddharth Jichkar says: "I feel this is a very stupid commercialisation of a sad situation! The makers of these products are trying to play on people's fears of rape to rake in big-time moolah. This problem needs a deep and lasting solution. The mentality of the men and society at large has to be reinvented, merely making the lingerie dangerous and ugly won't help."

Totally impractical
Saket Bhattad, a law student of Raisoni College, says: "This is an experimental step. And I really feel it is totally impractical! This kind of lingerie would obviously be very expensive, hence those living in rural and tribal areas will not be able to afford it. Moreover, a large-scale production of these products is not really possible. So, this fad will be relegated to metros and supercool lot only. At the end of the day, it will not bring down the menace of rape in our society."

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